86. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. George Burns 264. Not everyone has good taste. 211. It makes them so damned mad. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Billy Wilder. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. 8. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. With a cowculator. 215. 186. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. I understand people talking about me. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 176. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 120. 62 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Motivate Your Team I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 233. I am so f*cking awesome. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 26. 1. So, why not team them up? When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. What do you call a bear with no teeth? - Christopher Reeve. 106. And a funny bone., 10. 9. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. You can only be young once. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. They planet. Theres no stopping me now. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. I dont care! You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 38. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily Its scary when it disappears. Love your enemies. 12. 98. 56. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. I have a lot to offer. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Superwoman: single. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Why was six scared of seven? As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I tell you what always catches my eye. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 194. 185. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 231. The only power you have is the word no. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 74. 5. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. 35. Run. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 10 Funny Affirmations That Will Put A Smile On Your Face - QuoteReel I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Sam Levenson. Why cant you trust an atom? Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Benjamin Franklin. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 151. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). A wishbone. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. When nothing is going right, go left. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Roy Lichtenstein. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 156. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 221. 110. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. 230. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Bill Murray. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. 116. 4. Sincerely, the floor. 227. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. I understand success cant happen overnight. 57. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 267. Cry a river. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 40. 119. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. But you can always be immature. 39. 156. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Henny Youngman I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. The best things in life are free. 5. My liver still works. P.D. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 117. 268. 150. A backbone. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 21. 230. 112. 191. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. I never apologize. Its called tomorrow. Your actions become your habits. 7. Lorrin L. Lee. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 122. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Best friends eat your food. 135. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. You can only be young once. Sam Levenson. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 160. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. "If you see me talking to myself. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 180. 227. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 196. 199. My mind is becoming much sharper. 91. 4. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know What do I do for a living? 41. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. Steve Martin I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. 74. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. East. Its okay if people dont like me. 140. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Some people are like clouds. 19. 2. 3. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. How do you count cows? I just go normal from time to time. 264. I didnt want to interrupt her. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 109. 222. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember I dont worry about getting older. 70. I am constantly growing and improving. 65. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 96. Bill Murray, 260. Live life to the fullest. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Your habits become your values. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Ted Turner. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. 85 Funny Wednesday Quotes, Sayings, Pics, and Images - The Random Vibez What is Mozart doing right now? God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Cindy from Marzahn. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate Im not insulting you. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 127. 84. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. But you can always be immature. 79. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 92. 9. 184. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Walter Bagehot. Stuart Turner, 247. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 195. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I am intelligent. 249. ". You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 168. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. You never run out of things that can go wrong. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Not me, but somebody does. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 27. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free 56. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 7. 143. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). 142. 170. 165. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 236. 8. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 101. No, but April may. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 20. 9. In between, I am alive. 224. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. 239. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Sometimes the M is silent. 16. I am strong and getting stronger every day. 34. Confidence makes me powerful. We have a connection. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 20 Positive Affirmations You Can Use to Inspire Your Life - Mindvalley Blog Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. 146. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. In between, I am alive., 7. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 3. The world is missing some pizzazz. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 42. - Donald Trump. How do trees access the internet? The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. We frequently doubt ourselves. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. I create my life on a quantum level. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Helen Giangregorio. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Steven Wright, 252. 147. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife Keep your affirmations in the present. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 270. I get up, dress up, and show up. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Life always offers you a second chance. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. So far, so good. 207. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 255. 4. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. I dont want to fix my spending habits. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 1. Because he was always spotted. 21. Flip Wilson, 263. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Your life is your message to the world. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I make a difference by showing up fully. I'm doing great. 115. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Why did the can crusher quit his job? Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 94. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration 96. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 154. 257. Ive been doing nothing for years. Unknown. 265. 26. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. I tell you what always catches my eye. 218. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 215. Paul Ehrlich As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. They log in. - Jack London. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things Today, I look at my goals. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 130. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 75. The only power you have is the word no. 266. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 61. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 212. 38. Enjoy! Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Frances McDormand, 42. Happiness is a choice. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Benjamin Franklin Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube 145. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Lily Tomlin I am lazy till I get a motive. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". 37. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 57. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. This is a snap. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 68. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 20. 73. George Burns, 253. 209. Robert Bloch. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. 141. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Never let anyone waste your time twice. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 220. My mom scolds me for no reason. 151. Go to bed with satisfaction.". My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 213. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Can February march? I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 45. 279. We need to hear a pin drop. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Lily Tomlin, 242. 84. 246. 202. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. 266. 46. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 110 Positive Funny Affirmations To Make You Smile Daily - The Random Vibez Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle 244. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. 14. The rest are too expensive. 71. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 8. What is the tallest building in the entire world? You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Description for this block. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Today I was a hero. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 133. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I can always think of something funny to say. Life always offers you a second chance. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest 226. Today I will embrace the poop. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself Sincerely, the floor. I dont think thats a coincidence. Funny Affirmation - Etsy I did not trip and fall. Roy Lichtenstein 184. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 163. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 214. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Today I was a hero. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 1. Love your enemies. When they go away, its a brighter day. Hes dreaming too. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. The best things in life are free. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 30. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Learn sign language, its very handy. 161. 194. 77. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Friends buy you food. 58. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 3. avoid carbs. 130. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Envelope. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Short people with an umbrella. I never apologize. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 1. 20. They planet. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. 250. 170. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 251. But even if this does happen, who cares? Really? 75. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 176. I'm having a staff meeting.". Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. 180. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. 229. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 10. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6.
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